COMIC: Billy the Barbarian part IV

Sep. 29 3:23 PM by JoeyKnuckle

When last we saw Billy the Barbarian, Billy and his crew of game warriors decided to drop the Chief off to finish the fight against the impending Halo threat. Billy soon realized, he had nothing better to do than join the Chief on this perilous mission.

Chief: Dang, Long Haired Offender and Son of the Shining Path, you fools need to watch where you land. You just squished the Arbiter. Eh, no big loss.

Billy: Come on Chief, he should have gotten out of the way. That ship is huge, how could you miss it? Besides he's always playing hide and go seek, and you need someone that will actually help fight instead of turning on the cloaked camo until you are all done.

Chief: Yeah, sounds good Billy. It will make these checkpoints a little easier to get through.

Billy: So what's the mission Chief?

Chief: Cortana is inside that base, so we gotta wipe out the Covenant and get her back. She has information to help take down the remaining Halo ring. Without her, the battle is lost.

Billy: Okay man, you are the Chief. You drive and I'll man the turret on that Warthog.

Chief: Good plan.

The two fearless heroes battle their way into the fortress and successfully rescue Cortana.

Cortana: Thank you Chief, but we haven't much time. Over there is a book. It's the Necronomicon.

Chief: The book of the dead? What do we need something like that for?

Cortana: The Nothing has comeback to Fantasia to destroy it. If Fantasia is destroyed, human imagination will be completely eliminated. Then we'll all have to play carbon copied and cheap, rip-off videogames for the rest of our lives!

Billy: Dang, we can't have that. Remember all those supposed Halo Killers? We need new franchises in videogames. We can't have companies just milking franchises for all their worth forever!

Cortana: Billy's right. It's up to you two to save Fantasia. Down below is a caged dragon. You can fly him to Fantasia. It's a smoother ride than a Warthog.

Chief: Billy can fly him, I'll take that Ghost over there and follow behind.

Cortana: Sorry Chief, it won't be fast enough. You guys need the dragon.

Billy: How do we use this book anyways?

Cortana: Just fly to the heart of the Nothing and chant these words: "OWNAGE TIME, NOOB!"

Billy: Well, that's different. What about "Mecka Lecka High, Mecka Hiney Ho?"

Chief: Always thinking with your cheeks, eh Billy?

Cortana: The Nothing doesn't know what that means. Everyone hates getting owned though.

Billy: That's true. Let's get going Chief!

The heroes near the sacred Ivory tower of Fantasia.

Billy: Hey Chief, it doesn't really seem like Fantasia is in all that much trouble. It looks quite nice actually. Look at the sunset and pretty clouds. All we are missing is Journey's Greatest Hits! *Billy sings* When the lights, go down, in the city...

Chief: Stop that Billy! Just fly. I want to forget this ever happened, it's so embarrassing. Now I can't get that song out of my head!

Billy: Whoa, Chief you better clench on to my buttocks, this dragon is getting loopy!

Chief: Shut up stupid!

Billy: Ha ha ha, come on Chief, lighten up. It's not so bad. We can just pretend we're in Vegas. What we do in Fantasia, stays in Fantasia.

Chief: I'm going to hold you to that. Sorry for calling you stupid, but if you tell anyone about this, you'll find a couple plasma grenades strapped in your thong.

Billy: Okay Chief, that looks like the entrance.

Chief: It's about time.

Chief: This was the worst mission ever Cortana! I know you can hear me! What the hell was this entire mission about? You make me fly around the world on a dragon with a Barbarian in a thong, through clouds and rainbows. The talking dragon keeps going on and on about something that isn't butter, and now these kids finished the mission before we could even get there! What were you thinking?

Billy: Hey! What about my thong?

Cortana: Sorry Chief, I've been reading a lot of romance novels lately. How was I supposed to know those two kids were going to work on the mission too?

Billy: No experience points for us this time? That kind of stinks.

Cortana: I don't think the shot gun action to their heads was necessary Chief.

Chief: I was just feeling a bit fruity and I had to clear out the cob webs from my mind. I'm okay now. I just didn't like how Atreyu and Bastian were all cocky about it. They said I was owned. Like they are better than me. I had no choice but to frag 'em.

Billy: Let's get out of here. Where is that luck dragon at?

Chief: It's okay Billy. SOTSP and LHO followed us. They probably had a camera too.

Billy: Oh crap, please Chief, don't shoot them!

Chief: If they give me the film, they have nothing to worry about.